My First Blog Post

Improving my life one day at a time!

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

Choosing Again; Your Ego Doesn’t Have to Control You!

We have the power of choice. You can choose again. I can either suffer or surrender. Give in to the transformation. The Ego always speaks first and it speaks the loudest. If you resist it will persist. It is pushing back at you 10 x’s harder. It’s like when you have a beach ball and you push it under the water. You push it down so hard! It’s going to come back up no matter how hard you are pushing it down. The universe wants you to surrender.

It will not leave you until you love it. When you love something you don’t like it shows you how to be better. You are growing and stretching. It is teaching you something. I must surrender to it. Just flow with it don’t go against the wave. You will see the lesson/gift more clearly.

Think about a higher energy. This can be anything from God or even the crystals sitting on your night stand. This energy gives and you receive it. By surrendering to it you’re not giving up. You’re not letting it take you over. You push it away, your ego is winning.

When you are being grateful to your anxiety it shows that you are coming from a loving place and energy.

It will not leave you until you love it

I am learning to be safe in my own body.

A book that that has helped my journey to happiness is “The Dark Side of Light Chasers“- Debbie Ford

This book focuses on shadow work. We hide things that we don’t like. The thing we do not like will begin to control our lives. It will rub it in our faces because it wants us to better ourselves. We are afraid of this and that’s why it feels like it is punishing us. We have to learn to love our totality.

A big takeaway from the book is; You have to be “selfish” sometimes. That sounds bad right? But actually someone who is a people pleaser is never thinking about themselves. By being “selfish” it just means you are finally actually doing what you want. It’s actually not being selfish, you’re just caring about yourself for a change. You have to turn the dial on your imaginary radio to find the right spot.

When you know and embrace that you are enough, safe, loved you give off a magnetic vibration. People around you will sense that you don’t care about the hurtful things they say. They can sense that you are secure, content, and safe. They know that you don’t NEED their validation and reassurance any longer.

Anxiety is just a kid that needs some love. You need to get down on the kids level and ask them what’s wrong and what we can do together as a team. It’s less scary and your anxiety/kid can tell you if you come from a loving side.


About myself and why I’m here

I am a millennial and with being a millennial anxiety just comes naturally. There are so many unknowns and difficulties that come with it. I am wanting to share my feelings and how I am learning to become happier.

“To be happy you must be your own sunshine”

C.E. Jerningham

So, the getting to understand me part. I grew up in a so to speak, divided world. I am first generation American. My family is Russian, my grandparents are very Russian. With that comes traditions and expectations. My parents grew up in a war torn country, along with my oldest sister. My parents experienced the unthinkable. They came to America to flee war and violence. They grew up with nothing short of expect fear, pain, and misery. My mother still manages to be happy. She smiles everyday and is happy. She is so joyful and loving. My father on the other-hand has gone through much than my mother. He has never told me his childhood traumas, i’ve only heard them from other people. He is traumatized by his past. He is always worried and afraid. I feel like my sisters took after my mother and I took after my father. I have always been anxious. I have now come to a point of having crippling anxiety. I am ready to change this. I have always just thought that I am not allowed to be happy or else something bad will happen. I am trying to teach myself that being happy doesn’t effect what happens in the external world. I can be happy and that’s that.

I hope that by this time next year that I have learned to be even a fraction happier. I hope that someone can read through my entries and make themselves happier.

I cannot wait for the day that I don’t ever have to think about how awful my anxiety will be. I want to think about how happy I can be.